Spring Grove Police Department in 7401 Meyer Road

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  Media Release: Thomas Sanders Chief of Police of the Spring Grove Police Department was called into action tonight the night of September 21, 2014 as N.E.W.S. reports of a 3-D printed September Serpent Sapphire diamond was being scanned and thereby counterfeited. Discovered by Surveillance camera's at the Jewel-Osco Kodak kiosk employees quickly responded to action as the bandit's plans to propose to Jennifer Aniston via a long distance tele-presence was interrupted. Authorities indicate that the cardinal point diamond schematic known as the "Arizona Ard Tip Stylus" was part of a Top-Secret capitol investment research project originally stolen from Alan Greenspans missing briefcase by the same perpetrator a decade ago at the Park Hyatt Beaver Creek Resort and Spa, Colorado during a private event. The Arizona Ard Tip Stylus is a coveted cut said to represent the loin star of the Big Bear or Big Dipper star known as MeRAK. Chief of Police Thomas Sanders has issued a statement that the perp has the same (R.A.K.) initials as the MeRAK star itself and therefore probably feels "entitled" to counterfeiting IT. Prior to the alleged crime Spring Grove Police arrested the primary suspect known as Rich Kretzschmar of Pistakee Highlands, Illinois at the Spring Grove Marathon Station who - after apprehension is being interrogated in an express manner by Federal Authorities from the United States Mint. The Mint was created by Congress with the Coinage Act of 1792, and originally placed within the Department of State. Per the terms of the Coinage Act, the first Mint building was in Philadelphia, then the capital of the United States; it was the first building of the Republic raised under the Constitution. Today, the Mint's headquarters are in Washington D.C. which is not a coin producing facility. The counterfeit attempt has projections of costing the United States economy billions of dollars. Mr. Kretzschmar's only comment was that he wanted to make Jenifer Aniston feel special and that he has always loved her from day one. Jennifer Aniston is unavailable for comment at this time.
  By Rich Kretzschmar, April 11, 2017

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